The Blessed Curse

THE BLESSED CURSE
BY
APURVA SANJAY MALEWAR

Guilt, an emotion so filled with remorse and undefined judgment, makes me want to cry sometimes.
Its at these emotional times when one finds the urge to hold on, embrace, and want to cry out loud, maybe it's the person who really does understand our pain... maybe not, but at least someone who cares.

This feeling that lies within me, deep down inside of me, burning in silence, grief that is stuck to it, misery that I cannot refrain from holding, I wonder what makes us feel this way,
I guess out there are forces who would love to pronounce us guilty, for something we believe in and our actions in working them out is really not appreciated, not even an ounce of it is considered, relevant.

But I fail to wonder why I would indulge in with conflicts, with my heart, something that we really believe in, and something that we really want, so profoundly strong burning inside, the desire that wants to rush out and go screaming telling the whole world what we want to do. WHY IS IT ALWAYS SO DIFFICULT, WHY DO WE HAVE TO ENDURE GRIEF FOR SOMETHING SO NOBLE THAT WE WANT TO DO?

Just because the world feels that it is morally and ethically wrong to do what we believe in, considering it a grave sin, and we have to suffer for it, by not inviting them into our lives, for the sake of a few mortals who do not feed us, and could not care less?

The mere criticism and the act of doing wrong bears so heavy on my mind, guilt filled with confusion, pains my mind, to the fact that we start believing others and doubt our own instincts, is it wrong that we do what we say... but then something inside tells us, hell no! You are not, but it’s so hard to fight the devil inside us, created by the forces of this mortal society and their immortal ideas that have no finite meaning.

This burdens our minds with guilt and some of us lose our sanity, this does threaten to pin us down to our knees, its like we are accused of murder for an act of sin we haven't even committed, at least that’s how they make it sound, and make our minds if not us, believe in their baseless load of trash.

It does impact us in a big way, when we are subjected to doubt our own judgment, we once believed in.

Sometimes I feel its not too late, we can be the judges of our own lives, and people do understand and show concern. But then, why not when we really believe in something, why when we do not really care, why contradictions and criticism, when we are absolutely sure of doing what we feel is right.
And when we go through the times of utmost salvation, do these mortals start to question our own judgment stating utmost discomfort at our ways of looking at life, our actions that add to our appeal and make us who we are.



Where is our family? Then...

Where do they disappear? Why does this have to fall on us?
reason, logic, facts for everything that we do, sometimes its just faith that we live by, faith is something we cant see, its like love, we just believe in it, similarly our actions.

Its a risk, every situation is a risk, we are aware, we are watchful, as long as we are not driven, by pride, greed, or blinded completely by love, we have one eye open, its just that we need to take that chance to see how important it is for us, and that is something that would mold us into who, and what we are.

We need to stand up for ourselves, and take a stand on what we do, if we listen to people, we will listen to them all our lives, I would just say this and conclude it by saying that,

we ought to keep one eye, one ear, and half a mouth open, for the optimism, and better judgment.
We need to fight out our own battles.

And that’s the bottom line.

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